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You can forgive a friend.

You can forgive your partner, your neighbor, even a stranger who wronged you.

But when it comes to yourself?

You can't let it go.

I know this struggle. I used to carry everything. Every mistake, every moment of shame, every "why the fuck did I do that?" stacked up over years.

And here's what I didn't understand:

You're not just remembering what happened. You're reliving it. Today. Right now.

The Bag Gets Heavier

Picture it like this:

You're carrying a backpack filled with heavy stones.

Every time you refuse to forgive yourself for something, you add another stone.

• "I said that stupid thing five years ago." Stone.
• "I hurt someone I loved." Stone.
• "I failed when it mattered." Stone.

The bag gets heavier. Year after year.

And here's the thing, you could take it off. But you keep carrying it.

Why?

Because you think you deserve to carry it. Because forgiving yourself feels like letting yourself off the hook. Because some part of you believes the weight is proof that you care.

But listen my friend..

That weight isn't making you a better person. It's just making you suffer.

The Filters

It gets worse.

That backpack? It doesn't just weigh you down. It changes how you see everything.

Think of it like glasses with filters—every unresolved shame, every unprocessed guilt, every moment you haven't forgiven yourself for—it's a layer on those glasses.

So when life happens today, you're not seeing it clearly.

You're filtering it through the past.

A friend criticizes you → triggers that memory from ten years ago.

You make a small mistake → suddenly you're reliving every failure you've ever had.

Someone gets upset with you → you're back in that moment of shame, feeling it all over again.

You're not living in the present. You're living in a distorted version of it, filtered through unhealed wounds.

And the longer you carry this, the more layers you add. The heavier the bag. The thicker the filters.

Until one day you look back and think: "Life used to be better."

No, my friend.

Life was never better before.

You just have more layers now. More weight. More filters distorting everything you see.

Why We Can't Forgive Ourselves

Here's what makes this so hard:

You feel alone.

You're carrying all this dark shit inside, and when you walk through your day, you're hiding it. Smiling on the outside. Hell on the inside.

Nobody understands. Nobody knows.

So you keep carrying it. Because what else can you do?

And here's the cruel part: We treat ourselves like the enemy.

If your best friend came to you with the same guilt, the same shame, the same "I can't believe I did that" story—you'd say:

"It's okay. You didn't know better. Let it go. I'm here with you."

But when it's you?

You punish yourself. You replay it. You carry it forever.

We're so harsh to ourselves. And that harshness doesn't work.

That's why you suffer. That's why the backpack gets heavier.

What Happens When You Forgive Yourself

Layer by layer, stone by stone, when you forgive yourself, you start to feel lighter.

Not because you're ignoring what happened. Not because you're pretending it was okay.

But because you stop reliving it.

You remove the filters. You take off the backpack.

And slowly, you start to enjoy this moment again.

Instead of filtering today through yesterday's pain, you see clearly.

You walk through life like a kid again, curious, open, free.

You can smile at people without hiding. You can breathe without that constant weight on your chest.

The joy comes back. The peace comes back.

Not because your past changed. But because you stopped dragging it into every present moment.

How to Actually Do This

Okay, let's get practical.

You did something ten years ago that still haunts you. Still shows up in your dreams. Still makes you feel sick when you think about it.

Here's what to do:

Step 1: Get it out of your system.

Write it down. Journal it. Or just sit and reflect on it.

Ask yourself: "Do I really need to suffer for this today? Or is it just a memory?"

I know that sounds obvious. But most people are so attached to their thoughts, so fused with the memory, that it still feels real.

Writing it down creates distance. You see it for what it is: a memory. Not your present reality.

Step 2: Talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend.

If your friend came to you with this same guilt, what would you say?

Write that down.

"It's okay. You didn't know better. But today you know better. You don't have to make the same mistake again. And you don't have to feel bad about it anymore."

No judgment. Just love. Just forgiveness.

Step 3: Say it out loud.

"I forgive you."

Simple as that.

Not "I forgive you, but..." Not "I forgive you if..."

Just: "I forgive you. It's okay. I love you."

Do this with everything. One stone at a time.

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Here's what most people don't understand about forgiveness:

When you forgive yourself, that pain doesn't disappear. It transforms.

It goes from punishment to pure energy.

This is shadow integration.

You're not ignoring what happened. You're welcoming it. Accepting it. Letting it be there without letting it control you.

And when you do that, you feel stronger. Happier. More whole.

Because you're not at war with yourself anymore.

I Forgive You

If you're reading this and you're struggling to forgive yourself, I want you to know something:

I forgive you.

I don't know what you did. I don't need to know.

But I forgive you for it.

It's okay. There's nothing wrong. Nothing right. It just happened. You didn't know better.

And I love you. Truly.

You might not believe that. You might think I'm just some guy on the internet saying words.

But from my heart to yours:

I love you. And I forgive you.

Just for today, you don't have to carry it.

Let it be there. Don't fight it. Don't run from it.

Just say: "It's okay. I did it. It happened. And I forgive myself."

Life is waiting for you.

Not the filtered version. Not the heavy, distorted, pain-soaked version.

The real one. The clear one. The light one.

But you have to take off the backpack first.

Stone by stone. Layer by layer.

Forgive yourself. Talk to yourself with love. Welcome what happened with compassion.

You're not your past. You're not your mistakes. You're not the weight you've been carrying.

You're the ocean. Always whole. Always here.

And the backpack? It was never yours to carry in the first place.

Much love,

— Tomas

P.S. I'm opening up 3 more spots for 1-on-1 coaching