If you missed Part One, read it here: I Drank Ayahuasca And Died – What Happened Next Changed Everything (Part 1)​

We're releasing a full documentary of this journey on YouTube soon. Subscribe to be the first to know: Evolvee Newsletter​

The Journey Begins

The journey took off to the retreat.

We where three guys in the car. Me, the guy who invited me into this and the cameraman.

Let's call the inviter Mr.M.

We did some filming in the car. A short presentation and preparation for what was to come.

It was a bit hard for me due to my nervosity being behind a camera and my ability to speak Spanish. But I managed.

The drive was around 6 hours and we arrived to the place Thursday evening around 8PM.

The people, the group, that was there for the weekend for the retreat had just gathered for a preparation for the first Ayahuasca session for the night.

I decided not to participate in that since we had drove for a couple of hours, feeling tired and we wanted to wake up on Friday fresh, creating the first scenes and videos for the documentary.

Friday - Cleansing and Connecting

Imagine waking up to the calm sound of rain.

Looking out from the room, I saw green nature and mountains surrounding the place. It felt like a dream.

The morning began with a Kambo session, my first one for the weekend.

It’s a traditional cleansing ritual where the secretion of a jungle tree frog is applied to small burns on the skin.

Within minutes, my body reacted. Heart racing. Face flushing. A wave of nausea.

I didn’t purge, but I sweated a lot.

It felt like my body was releasing toxins and stored emotional energy.

The whole process lasted about 20–30 minutes. Afterward, I felt lighter. Clearer. Grounded.

They only applied one point, which isn’t much, so it wasn’t intense. But it felt like a quiet renewal, like a storm passing and leaving the air sharp and clean.

After breakfast, I chatted with the group, those who had experienced their first Ayahuasca journey the night before.

Mixed feelings filled the room.

Some had an intense night. Others didn’t feel much. Some felt liberated. Others still felt stuck.

But everyone there had a background story.

Stories of pain, repressed memories, suffering. A desire to change.

Step by step, I started connecting with them. But as you can imagine, it takes time to open up to strangers.

So, I took it slow.

Group Integration – Laying the Foundation

There was a group integration that morning.

We sat together, talking about the night's session. Opening up. Beginning to integrate it all.

The one holding space was Sergio, a clinical psychologist with over 12 years of experience guiding people through inner transformation.

He had been leading spiritual-therapeutic retreats for years. Teaching. Helping people release deep emotional blocks.

What stood out was his calm presence. You could feel he wasn't just teaching from theory. He was teaching from experience.

Grounded. Deeply spiritual. You felt safe in his presence, like you could open up without pressure. At your own pace.

The group shared their experiences from the night before.

Some felt liberated. Describing visions, emotions, memories they hadn’t accessed in years.

Others didn't feel much.

The reason is because sometimes, the body resists. Sometimes the mind stays guarded. Or, sometimes, it just takes time for the medicine to work its way through.

Sergio also facilitated constellations, a powerful therapeutic method.

A person explores unresolved issues by selecting others to represent key figures in their life.

Mother. Father. Inner child.

Through this, they faced hidden dynamics, unspoken emotions, and ancestral patterns still influencing them.

It was beautiful to witness.

Strangers, without knowing each other's stories, stepping into roles and bringing healing through presence and intuition alone.

The group started to connect.

Each person stepping into their own momentum of healing.

Even those who hadn’t found their breakthrough yet, you could feel the change building in the room.

It was like the air had thickened. A heaviness pressing down. Restlessness crawling beneath the surface.

Some in the group still felt stuck. Lost. Unmoved by the night before. Frustrated by the silence where they expected answers.

But the real shift was coming.

A sudden 180 degree turn. The kind of turn that changes everything.

And the saviour was nothing less than a frog:

Bufo Alvarius.

The Toad - Bufo Alvarius

During the day, some of the group got the chance to try Bufo Alvarius. Also known as Sapo.

It's a powerful psychedelic containing 5-MeO-DMT, extracted from the secretion of the Sonoran desert toad, often referred to as "the God molecule."

Unlike Ayahuasca, which takes you through layers of emotions, visions, and memories, Bufo often dissolves everything in an instant.

The ego. The body. Even time and space.

Gone.

Some described it as dying and being reborn. Others said there were no words for it at all, just pure presence. Pure being.

It's known to be one of the most intense and sacred psychedelic experiences a human can have.

And it was humbling to witness those who went through it.

The ones who had already experienced a huge shift with Ayahuasca? They looked reborn.

The ones who felt nothing from Ayahuasca? They looked reborn.

It was like the toad had reached into them, pulled out the darkness, and replaced it with light.

There was a common feeling among the group. The toad had saved them all.

A few from the group had been carrying heavy baggage.

Deep trauma. Painful memories. Unresolved wounds.

But now, they seemed lighter. Not like everything was gone, but like something had shifted.

There was a softness in their eyes. A calmness in their energy.

A sense of peace. A quiet release.

I felt grateful to witness their transformation. But beneath the gratitude, something else stirred.

Anticipation.

Tomorrow, it would be my turn.

What would the toad show me? What would I have to face?

I didn’t know what was waiting, but I could feel it coming.

But before meeting the Toad, I had my first Ayahuasca session that night.

And nothing could have prepared me for what was about to unfold.

Meeting Mother Ayahuasca

The anticipation was finally over. The moment had arrived.

Years of longing to meet her.

Mother Aya.

Everything was prepared, the plan, the brew, the setting.

The brew was brown and dark (see image below).

A taste of earth, bitterness, and something ancient.

It's hard to describe, like a mix of old coffee, burnt roots, and something that doesn't belong on your tongue.

The night started with some preparation and instructions together with the group.

In the background, soft music was played.

The anticipation was finally over. The moment had arrived.

Everyone started with one dosage, one cup of the brew. After 1.5 hours, we had the chance to take another one if we wanted.

My turn had arrived. My heart beat faster.

I was a bit nervous. Not afraid, but butterflies in my stomach and heart.

There was no backing out now, and I knew it. Yet, beneath the nerves, something pulled me forward. A quiet eagerness. A hunger to step into the unknown.

I stepped forward to the table, on my knees.

Exchanged some words with the night's main facilitator.

She asked me how I felt. I answered:

"I'm ready and feel perfectly good," with a smile on my face.

I drank it.

A bitter taste that was flushed with some water and orange afterwards.

The process was on. No turning back now.

All these years I had been waiting to finally meet the teacher, Mother Aya, and find out whats inside me and the universe.

But as I went back to my mattress and sat down for meditation, I wondered if the truth had always been within me, waiting to be seen.

I could feel my stomach and throat from the brew starting to take effect.

However, the first 1.5 hours didn't do that much to me.

I had been preparing for this moment for years. But now, as I sat there waiting, the experience felt… ordinary.

Almost empty.

Thoughts started to appear in my mind:

Honestly, I knew I was a bit too tense.

After all, I had a camera team filming me in the corner and wanted to make it as good as possible.

1.5 hours went by, and a soft cling was heard.

The facilitator now offered a second cup of Ayahuasca for those who wanted it.

I stepped forward once again, and they asked me how I felt.

"Nothing much really. Can you give me double or something 😅?" I said nervously.

"Confía," she told me in Spanish, which basically means have trust.

The word stuck with me as I went back to the mattress.

Mr.M told me to relax and let it all go.

“Everyone is tripping here and you are the only one not feeling it. We’re leaving you so you can enjoy the process,” Mr. M said, before walking away.

And as the door closed, so did the pressure. The relief was instant. For the first time, I could finally breathe. No eyes watching. No camera. No expectations. Just me, the medicine, and the darkness.

I laid down this time, with the blanket over me. And some moments later, I was in.

But as the world began to dissolve, something held me steady.

"Confía" the word echoed softly, weaving itself through the visions, the darkness, the light.

It was like a thread guiding me forward, urging me to release, to trust.

The First Encounter

The experience hit me like a wave, but not a wave from outside. It was from within.

I wasn't just in the room anymore. I was everywhere, all at once.

My body started tingling, energy flowing through every part of me.

I didn't just feel the energy, I was the energy.

The music, the people, the air, everything was energy.

And I was one with it all.

"Waaaaooow…" I whispered, probably a hundred times that night.

So pure. So unconditional. So beautiful.

Whenever images or memories appeared I felt them through my whole body. Waves of joy. Waves of pain. And somehow, they always seemed to sync with the music in the room.

If a sad song came on, a sad memory followed with a lot of crying and letting go. But it wasn't painful, it was compassionate. Like Mother Aya was gently letting me feel what needed to be felt, without judgment. The empathy was on another level.

At times, it felt like I could hug every person in my life, friends, family, even people I hadn't thought of in years.

Whoever came up, it was pure love. No guilt, no shame, just understanding and knowingness.

And in that room, I wasn't alone.

You'd hear one person say “woow”, then another, then a few more. Like ripples moving through the group.

We weren’t just individuals anymore, we were connected, different bodies, same source.

At one point, I laughed so hard with a memory of a friend that I couldn't stop. The laughter was so contagious that it spread through the whole room. Within seconds, we were all laughing, deeply, uncontrollably, together.

That wave of laughter became one of the highlights of the entire night. The next day, everyone brought it up. They told me that moment, that laugh, shifted the whole energy in the room.

We laughed like children. And in that, we healed.

But it wasn't all light and laughter.

There were also deep, heavy moments. My stomach twisted, hard. I purged once, others many more. It felt like the medicine was working through every corner of me. At times it was bliss. At times, it was struggle.

But the pain wasn't meaningless. It had purpose. Cleansing. Releasing.

I remember thinking, you could be the hardest man on earth, but when Mother Aya starts working through you, you have no choice. She'll tear down every wall you've built.

Crying from pain, but also from healing. From liberation.

I stayed aware through the entire journey.

It felt like entering my own internal library, like scrolling through a catalog of memories. I could select one, enter it, watch it, understand it. Not through the filter of the mind, but from the heart.

There was no judgment when facing it. Just clarity, compassion, and release.

That was the gift.

To finally meet my inner world without running, resisting, or repressing.

To understand, and accept, what I once thought was broken.

And somehow, in all of that, I felt whole. Not healed. Not fixed. Just whole.

A Temporary Goodbye

After the night's session, the soft cling was heard.

The journey was over. Silence echoed through the room as everyone processed what had just happened.

Some went to their bedrooms. Others chose to stay in the room where we had experienced the journey.

I chose to stay. I could barely stand.

It felt like I had been on a rollercoaster for hours—laughter, tears, pain, liberation—everything colliding and unraveling all at once.

I tried to stand up, but my body felt completely off. Heavy. Disconnected. Yet somehow... lighter.

So I lay on my mattress, listening to the rain hitting the roof. The night sky was dark, and through the window, I looked out at the view before me.

Mountains. Nature. A silenced stillness.

It was beautiful.

I felt like a child who had cried through the night, only to find joy waiting on the other side.

You know the feeling when you were young, cried your *ss off, and when the tears finally stopped, a strange relief washed over you?

That was me.

No issues. No problems. No worry.

Just peace.

I took a deep, slow breath of liberation. And fell asleep.

Saturday - Bufo and Second Ayahuasca Trip

What does the day after a trip like that feel like, you may wonder.

It's not like your typical Saturday morning, that's all I can say.

But waking up on the mattress felt liberating. I wasn't thinking too much. Just feeling. Just being. A strong sense of gratitude and love towards everyone and everything in that room, a memory I won't forget and faces that I'd carry with me my whole life.

Still, there was this feeling, like something was off. Something I couldn't quite explain.

Almost like a depressed feeling without the images and thoughts of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt good, really good. But something felt missing.

A question. A longing. A sense that there was still more to see.

I couldn't understand it at that moment. So I just trusted that whatever it was, it would reveal itself.

We had some breakfast with the group.

Nice conversations about the night. Everyone laughing and smiling at those beautiful moments we shared. The music, insights, and stories. It was beautiful to hear different perspectives everyone had with mother Aya.

Around 1 PM, it was time for the Bufo Alvarius session, for those of us who hadn' t tried it on Friday.

I started preparing myself. I tried to stay calm. But inside? Chaos.

I was about to step into the fastest rocket on earth. Launched straight into the sky. Faster than light. And maybe, just maybe, touch the hand of God.

My heart was beating faster. I looked cool on the outside, but on the inside, I knew I was about to shatter my ego completely, and that scared the shit out of me.

Like when you were young and had to step into the scene of presenting something for people, or when it was your turn to speak up in class, and every eye was on you.

My mind tried to convince me I was ready, but my body told a different story.

Tight muscles, shallow breath, a restless energy that couldn’t be calmed. I'd been there before. I was already familiar with being detached from my ego, but I knew this was more intense and not my typical day-to-day experience.

What was about to happen felt like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing there was no turning back, only the freefall.

Bufo Alvarius - My Experience

Before getting into the actual session of smoking Bufo Alvarius (5-MeO-DMT), we did some exercises with the group to circulate the energy, breath and loosen up.

The facilitator gave detailed instructions on how to inhale, hold, and release the smoke, making sure we understood each step before starting.

If you don't do it in the right way, you might miss the potential of actually feeling it fully and hence destroy the whole experience.

1. Keep your mouth shut with a small opening.
2. When the pipe hit that opening, you smoke it really slow, like breathing through a straw.
3. Steady and easy, you smoke it for 15-20 seconds.
4. When you can't take it in anymore, you make a last short hit inhale, sipping it.
5. Then, retain the smoke as long as possible until you dissolve into nothingness.
6. Lay down, relax, and let go.

The instructions felt straightforward. But when it was finally my turn, my heart was pounding faster and faster, like it was trying to break free. I was nervous as hell. Everyone sat quietly, watching me with smiles, the cameraman above, filming everything.

It felt like I was about to die and be reborn.

I took deep breaths, closed my mouth, and started to smoke. In my head, I counted from 1 to 20. Took that last sip, held the smoke, and looked at everyone, saluting them with a smile like it was my final goodbye.

Then, I fell back onto the mattress, sinking into the pillow, letting go completely.

I Was Gone, Died, and Came Back

The journey began with me feeling like I was being inside a rocket ship, the fastest one built on earth, shot into space with a speed faster than the speed of light. All sensations of my body, identity and myself dissolved into what I call nothingness, where the only thing left was "me".

Not the typical me, Tomas, a separate entity, but just pure me, pure awareness.

At the start, it felt a bit scary.

Imagine losing your sense of self where everything you've taught yourself to be over the years, including your mind, body and identity, just dissolved in an instant.

It's a scary and intense feeling. I literally felt like dying.

But there was a beauty in that feeling of death. A sense of relief and letting go.

Imagine reaching a destination that felt like paradise. A place that felt so familiar. Like you where back home again.

Without the baggage, traumas, past negative memories, or anything that used to anchor me down.

It felt like I was remembering it all.

• Why I was born.
• Why the universe was created.
• How everything was structured.
• The past, present and future.

I remembered where I came from and where I was at that moment. A pure understanding and knowingness. Like I'd been on a journey for years, forgotten my true identity, and now finally returned home. Realizing I was never separate from the creator but one with it.

Like seeing myself from the perspective of the whole (the Universe or God), nodding to myself ("Tomas") like:

"You remember now haaaa 😌?"

I felt naked, stripped of my clothes, my body, my mind. Everything felt so clear and pure.

It’s tricky to explain who I was at that moment. But I knew it was my true nature. Not a separate person, but one with the source.

No name, no identity, no labels.

Simply put: I AM. Awareness.

Reaching what I call paradise felt like touching the hands of God but at the same time also being one with the creator. Not from an individual perspective but like a wave recognizing and remembering that it had always been one with the ocean.

No separation. No boundaries, no conditions.

Just wave and ocean. Inside the rhythm and dance of life.

Looking back at this moment makes me teary-eyed.

I always used to believe that God was some almighty man in the sky with a beard, a robe, and eyes that watched my every move.

Until this moment of bliss, where it felt like I touched the hand of God and at the same time was embraced and one with "Him."

God is unconditional love. Thats it.

Trying to name this experience or "state" I was in would be unfair, but if I'd put words onto it, it would be:

• Unconditional Love.
• Understanding.
• Knowingness.
• Awareness.
• Peace.
• Purity.
• God.

But it wasn’t all purity and bliss. Resistance came too. Old memories resurfaced, flashes from my past, from childhood. Scenes flashing by, like my life passing in review in what felt like a millisecond.

Deleted. Gone. Accepted.

Whatever anchor I held onto from the past was wiped out in an instant. Shame and guilt from certain things I'd done, things that had been holding me back, were erased. I remember feeling afraid to face it, but in that state, anything I clung to was just cleaned out.

Our true nature, as I described above, doesn't contain what we call shame, guilt, or anything with a “negative” impact. Those are just ignorance of our natural state of purity. That's why anything holding you back is wiped out in the field of pure awareness.

It’s not like a teacher wiping words off a board.

It's more like seeing whatever memory appears in that state, with clear eyes, no judgment, no labels. Just pure awareness.

Your baggage can’t survive there.

If you remember my first night of Ayahuasca, I mentioned something felt off—something I couldn’t fully grasp but trusted would be revealed in the right timing.

This Bufo trip showed me the answer.

The heavy load I felt was dropped in an instant. Everything clicked.

In the present moment, nothing but awareness exists.

And that itself is peace.

When I came back from my short trip inside the rocket, I saw all the beautiful faces in the room, people who had been watching over me the entire time. I cried from joy.

For the first time in my life, I truly understood how we're all one. Every time I looked into their faces, I saw myself. It was beautiful. People I had no connection with before felt like lifelong friends I wanted to hug and never let go of.

I'll never forget those faces.

I'll never forget the feeling and understanding I had at that moment, that everyone in this world is also me, just in a different form.

From the perspective of the creator, we’re all waves within a vast ocean, dancing to the rhythm and flow of life.

I was free.

I was love.

I was home.

Like a newborn seeing the world for the first time.

Clean slate. Pure awareness.

I was laughing at the thought of being rescued and liberated by a frog.

Like a princess in a Disney Movie, I was kissed by this magical frog, named:

Bufo Alvarius.

Saturday Night - Ayahuasca Trip 2

Everything comes to an end.

I now had one Ayahuasca and Bufo trip in my baggage.

I couldn't stop smiling. Like I was high on life.

My thoughts and perception was different than the first day.

You know that feeling of pure happiness? The kind that makes you want to talk to everyone, to connect, to share?

That was my feeling, times hundred.

I wanted to hug everyone. My smile was stronger than the Joker's. My heart was wide open, and I felt lighter than a feather.

Like everything heavy I once carried had been left behind.

After a beautiful day with the group, recharging with food, integration, the evening had finally arrived.

This last trip would be different from yesterdays.

Mr. M decided to participate in the ceremony, together with me.

The actual Youtube guy. The protagonist of the channel. The Main character.

It felt like Frodo and Sam from LOTR, stepping into a movie and adventure together.

Keep in mind that I didn’t know Mr. M that well. We had met a few times in the gym. But during this journey, our bond had grown stronger and stronger.

From strangers at the gym to brothers in the unknown.

It didn’t make sense. But it felt right.

We were about to enter the game of life together, Frodo and Sam.

I could feel the excitement in my whole body.

"Brooo, let's fucking go and do this together, I told him"

It's like going into war. But a spiritual one. A beautiful one.

Facing the journey alone was intense. But facing it with him? That felt like stepping into the unknown with a brother at your side.

That was what Mr.M felt like. And it all would change even more after this journey.

Looking back, it feels like he didn’t just open a door for me, we opened it together. Two strangers who met by chance, now walking a path side by side.And in that moment, something shifted.

A new bond. A new chapter. A new story.

​

The night started with one cup, just like before.

The cameraman stood ready in the corner, capturing every detail (Subscribe to my newsletter to know when the documentary is out).

But this time, it wasn’t just about filming a documentary.

It felt like Mr.M and I were opening a door together, stepping into something raw and real.

The trip. The emotions. The madness. The magic.

And now, you’re here with us.

About to witness everything, exactly as it happened.

We stepped into the unknown like brothers. And the journey had only just begun.

What happened next changed everything. For both of us.

Becoming one with the plant

This time, I felt more relaxed. Less nervous about the trip.

Mother Aya made herself known quickly, a gentle presence in my stomach and throat.

She's strong. Not just a regular plant.

But just like the first night, the effect wasn't intense at first.

And I didn’t worry. I knew the second cup would take it deeper.

I laid back on the mattress, feeling like I was floating. Peaceful. Weightless. Nothing to do but wait. Nothing to fear.

Light patterns started to appear.

I felt peaceful. With a strong sense of trust in my heart this time. Because I'd already been embraced by her once. Bufo showed me unconditional love. A place where fear didn’t exist.

Even if the medicine didn't feel strong, I knew it was working.

Together with the music, it created something beautiful.

“Bro, do you feel anything?” Mr. M asked me.

I knew exactly how he felt. I'd been in that same position the first night.

I calmed him down and said,

"Don’t worry, the second cup will shoot us into space.”

I smiled, knowing the rocket hadn’t even left the ground yet.

Moments Later..

For some people, the night was rough, even from start.

You could hear crying, vomiting and purging around the room.

The medicine worked through all of us, differently, in a unique way.

That was the beauty of it.

Even though the environment was tensed from time to time, hearing and seeing your fellow mates going through what they did, it was still some beauty in it because I knew mother aya was never hurting.

She was healing.

And soon enough, she woke up inside me and Mr.M.

I smiled and felt the sensations in my body, the twisting in my stomach, the urge of vomiting rising in my throat.

But I held it in. In my mind, I told her:

"Show me. Bring me home"

And she did.

I was back in the same place as yesterday. Familiar. Known. But this time, it felt different.

It felt lighter and easier.

Reason was because I entered without any baggage.

The weight I carried was no longer with me. The first night had shaken loose the heavy stones such as pain, release, surrender. And after today’s Bufo Alvarius journey, I was emptied and cleared.

This final session felt like the soul had room to breathe. If the first night was a rollercoaster, wild turns, deep dives, surges of pain, joy, tears, bliss, healing, tonight was something else. A calm, blissful glide through still waters like floating in a canoe through Venice, under a sky full of stars.

Quiet. Gentle. Sacred.

I was able to direct my attention in a more "controlled" way. Even though I knew that the "control" was simply just the flow of life.

And I was one with it.

Everything was just so perfectly connected.

Imagine a spiders web. Where the past, present and future where interconnected.

One symphony of life. The music, the people, my thoughts, images.

I once again, understood that life's never random but in perfect divine timing and accuracy.

Never again, would I let myself stress or overthink life, but have trust that it unfolds in a perfect way.

It felt like I was entering different chapters of the trip.

At one moment, I came back to my younger years. My early days where I used to spread joy and happiness around me. Joke. Make people feel good and laugh.

I'd lost it over years. My thinking mind had taken over. My ego had built walls around my true nature.

This night, the walls where broken down.

Music is energy. And we are energy.

I felt it deeply that night. As I let go of everything, I became one with the symphony of life, a wave inside the sound, a note within the harmony.

Something took over me. My voice moved on its own.

Sounds. Tones. Melodies. They poured out of me, effortless and wild, like they'd been buried inside me for lifetimes.

It felt raw. Untamed. Free.

The sounds grew stronger. So strong I couldn’t feel my body anymore. Just the music.

I wasn’t singing as myself. It was like an old ancestor had taken over my throat, singing through me. Echoing through time.

For a moment, I was in the Amazon. Surrounded by tribes and ancestors. They felt like my family.

Their voices blending with mine, guiding me, reminding me.

It felt like I was part of something ancient.

Something sacred.

​

I had tears in my eyes. Not from sadness, but freedom and joy.

In that moment, I felt the deep connection to nature, to ancestors, through the liberation we had all been longing for across lifetimes.

It felt like an honor, to offer sound, vibration, presence.

To fill the room with tones that weren’t just mine but came from somewhere deeper. From a place untouched by pain or doubt.

I had returned to that little boy again. The one who loved to give. To spread, lift others.

I felt home again.

In that feeling, I found my mission. Something I’d been searching for all my life

For years, I had focused on finding myself. Healing wounds. Expanding awareness. Dissolving ego. It was a journey inward. A battle with my own shadows.

But now, it was time to pour from my cup into others. To give what I had received.

And the very idea of it made me feel whole.

And beside me the whole night, was him. Mr.M.

His presence. His energy. His silence. His laughter. His tears.

At times, we didn't need to speak, we could hear each other's cries.

Our joy. Our grief. Our release.

Like two brothers who had wandered far, only to find each other again.

There was a moment — I don't even know exactly when —when I looked at him… and saw him with no filters.

No stories. No labels. Just soul. Just spirit.

After this weekend, I knew I'd never see him the same again.

Because now, I didn’t just know him — I felt him. Like my own reflection.

Brothers for life — until the day we dissolve into nothingness. Like travelers who found their way home.

And this experience, was felt by everyone in that room.

Different journeys, different wounds, different visions, but one heart.

One rhythm. One wave.

I will never forget these souls.

Their faces are etched in me like sacred symbols. I’ll carry them with me, always, as reminders of how deeply we’re all connected, how healing happens not just alone, but together.

It’s strange. You go searching for answers in the depths of yourself, in rituals, in visions. But when you find them, they’re never where you expect.

What I discovered on the other side wasn’t just healing or bliss.

It was truth. Simplicity. Lessons carved into my soul, echoing through me long after the night had ended.

And when I returned… I brought 14 of them with me.

Here’s what I remembered on the other side.

What I Remembered from the Other Side (14 Lessons)

The moment is finally here.

I'm writing this last section, a few weeks after the retreat.

Nothing is the same. But somehow, everything is.

I know that sounds mystical.

But I’m not here to tell you what’s real or not.

I'm not a sage. I'm not a guru. I’m not Buddha.

I'm just me.

And in some strange way, I'm also you.

Nothing really changed during the retreat. This version of “me” was always here, waiting to be seen.

Just like you, I'm a "typical" person.

Living life. Chasing goals. Trying to enjoy the moment. Traveling, exploring and flowing.

I’ve been walking this pathless path for years now, doing the inner work. Remembering my way back home.

And that weekend, I touched it in full ULTRA HD.

A direct experience. No doubts, no filters.

Just pure knowing.

For many, dissolving the ego feels like death. It's terrifying to lose yourself into nothingness. But for me, it wasn’t new. A part of my ego death came years ago.

So this time, it wasn’t about dying. It was about living.

Fully.

It wasn’t just the insights. It was the people. The music. The connection.

My heart cracked open like never before.

Even now, as I write this, weeks later, a single song from that night makes me cry. Not out of sadness. But because I remember.

I remember the love. The truth. The wholeness.

And I want to share what I remembered with you.

Not to preach.

Not to convince.

But to pass on a spark.

If it resonates, beautiful. If not, let it be a seed.

One that might bloom, when the time is right.

Here’s what I remembered on the other side.

1) The Power of Imagined Vision & Emotional Creation

During the Ayahuasca sessions, I was able to bring up old memories from my past. See it like watching a movie on TV. Clear. Vivid. Real.

I could create new scenes, too. With whomever I wanted. However I wanted. Like a director with full creative control.

What fascinated me most was how deeply I felt the emotions behind the images.

It wasn’t just imagining. It was feeling.

Like seeing a close friend suffer. Reliving a childhood memory. Feeling it as if it was happening right there. The pain. The joy. The release.

It felt more real than real. It hit me so deeply I cried.

Tears of joy. Tears of sadness. Tears of understanding.

And here’s the biggest lesson I took away:

The subconscious doesn’t know if something is happening now, if it’s a memory, or if it’s imagined. It only responds to feeling.

If you create a scene and feel it deeply, your body reacts as if it's happening right now.

That's why holding onto the past keeps recreating the same emotions in the present. It's like replaying the same scene over and over, expecting it to change.

But this also means something powerful.

You can use imagination to feel into new realities. If you can feel it now, you connect with it now. And once you connect with it, you start to attract it.

Inner always creates outer. Whatever you hold inside will eventually express itself in your life.

That's why we say, “As within, so without.”

The law of assumption. The law of attraction. They're real.

Before, I understood it and even experienced it many times.

I've attracted so many things into my life through this process.

But during the trip, I saw it with crystal clarity. I felt it happening in real-time.

From now on, I choose to create from joy, not fear. From love, not lack.

Not by force. But by feeling.

By choosing which scenes to replay and which ones to let go.

By directing my inner world with intention, knowing that everything outside is just a mirror.

I don't need to chase anymore. I just need to tune in.

Because once the inside shifts, the outside follows.

Always.

2) Dissolving Trauma Through Presence and Knowingness

This brings me to the next lesson: dissolving trauma through presence and knowingness.

During both my Ayahuasca and Bufo Alvarius sessions, I was confronted with old memories and traumas.

Years of inner work had lightened my load. But there were still "residuals" — traces of pain that hadn't fully dissolved.

It was like trying to put out a burning house for years, only to be left with lingering smoke.

What remained were memories laced with guilt and shame.

Two of the most paralyzing emotions we carry as humans.

But in that state of presence, of knowingness, of unconditional love — something beyond words — those traumas were neutralized.

It felt like an old teacher erasing the blackboard in milliseconds as the memory replayed.

No reaction. No guilt. No shame.

Just deletion and acceptance.

With purity. With love.

I realized that in this natural state — this omnipresent knowingness — all the labels and "negative" emotions we carry around can’t survive.

They are created by the mind. A result of being disconnected from that natural state.

You don’t fix emotional wounds by overthinking them. You dissolve them by entering the state where they don’t exist.

I understood why facing my past with acceptance, forgiveness, and love was the solution.

Because that’s the state I was in during those moments.

A place beyond thoughts. Beyond labels.

In that natural state, everything made sense.

There was nothing to resist. Nothing to hold on to.

Just peace. Just presence.

And maybe that’s all we ever need to return to.

Not more thoughts. Not more doing.

Just being. Just Awareness.

3) The Felt Experience of Oneness and Non-Duality

For the past 2 years, I've been listening to non-dual teachers explain that we aren't separate from each other. That the people you see are you. And while I could grasp it intellectually, experiencing it fully was something else.

During the retreat, that changed.

When I came back from the Bufo session, I was still “tripping,” even with my eyes open. The sensations were strong. I still felt that raw, stripped-down state — no identity, no body, no mind.

Every face I looked at felt, to 100%, like me. It’s hard to put into words. But there was this intense, unconditional love toward everyone. Like I was seeing myself in all of them.

​

I wanted to hug every single person in that room. Not out of kindness. Out of pure recognition.

You could have put a murderer in that room, and I would’ve felt the same love.

It sounds crazy, but that’s what happens when the mind’s walls fall away. The ego tries to create separation, build walls, keep us divided. But the truth is, we’re all one. Different waves, same ocean.

The important lesson from this?

I know now — even when I don’t always feel it — that you and I are the same. We’re one.

And I’ll do my best to live from that natural state. Because it’s magical.

We’re just waves forgetting we belong to the same ocean.

4) Music Is Pure Energy – The Language of the Soul

During both Ayahuasca ceremonies, the facilitators played beautiful music. Live guitar, singing, melodies that felt like they were made for that exact moment.

But it wasn't just music. It was pure energy.

I felt completely in sync with the group and the music. Like my spirit already knew the songs before they were played. It was like I could anticipate shifts in the music before they even happened. As if the melodies were woven into the experience itself.

Everything was in perfect sync.

I reacted automatically to the music. Singing. Humming. Becoming one with it.

And at times, I lost the sense of my body. I became pure awareness, just floating around like a note carried by the sound. I wasn’t listening to the music — I was the music.

Every frequency brought a different emotion. Tears, joy, empathy, love. Each vibration pulled me into a new state of being.

I realized something simple but profound: Everything is energy.

Music is energy. We are energy. And when the two merge, something magical happens.

It’s why music can heal. It’s why it can also destroy. It holds power because it’s pure vibration. A language of the soul.

Weeks later, I still listen to the same songs from the retreat. And every time I do, it takes me back. The emotions. The floating. The oneness.

It’s like the music holds the memory, the energy, the experience. And by listening, I tap into it again.

Music is more than sound. It’s a key. A bridge. A mirror.

It's the energy that connects us all.

5) Time is Not Linear – Past, Present, and Future Are One

This leads to the next lesson: time is an illusion.

This lesson wasn’t just an idea. It was an experience.

During Bufo, something strange happened. I opened my eyes mid-trip, feeling both lost and deeply present.

The facilitator told me, "Confía."

Just one word.

But it wasn’t like she said it in a specific moment

​

It was like the word existed everywhere—past, present, and future—all at once.

It wasn't spoken with time. It was delivered with pure understanding.

Like it had always been there, waiting for me to notice.

In that state, nothing felt linear. It was like everything I'd ever experienced was happening right now.

There was no difference between past and future. Just a knowing that everything exists in the same moment.

Like opening a book and seeing every page at once.

No sequence. No order. Just presence.

It was a direct experience of the timeless. A state beyond logic or memory. Just truth.

I realized: Time is something the mind creates by dividing experiences into past, present, and future.

But in the pure experience of life, without thought, there's only now.

Right now.

6) Conditioning Is a Filter — Awareness Is the Cure

Most people live through a conditioned mind, a lens of labels, beliefs, and stories.

They filter life through concepts:

Limitation, hate, anger, jealousy, comparison.

But these are not real.

They're mental overlays, not reality itself.

Many traditions call this ignorance. And that's what it is, ignorance of the whole.

Even the idea of “the devil” is just this ignorance, the absence of God, of Love, of Source.

The truth is simple:

And here's the lesson I took back with me:

Whenever these conditioned thoughts arise in daily life, whenever I slip back into identification, I remember what’s true.

Back into awareness.

I don’t argue with the thought. I don’t fight it.

I simply return to awareness. To presence. To love.

Even now, weeks later, as I write this, I can feel how this remembrance has stayed with me.

This is the real gift.

Not just seeing through the illusion once, but learning how to return.

Over and over.

Until there's nowhere left to return to.

Only truth remains.

7) There's No Death – Life Is a Brief Moment in Infinity

We were never born, and we will never die.

What we experience as “life on Earth” is just a moment, a brief flicker within the infinite.

Time is not linear, even if it feels like it.

But even more than that:

The body is born. The mind develops. But the awareness behind both?

It was never born.

It doesn’t die.

What I saw clearly in Bufo was that the idea of death only makes sense from the perspective of identity.

But when that identity dissolves,

There was no fear in that state, because there was no one left to fear it.

Just a vast, silent knowing.

Birth and death are movements within the dream.

But the awareness of the dream?

That's eternal.

Everything else is just a scene passing by.

8) When the Veil Is Removed, Only Love Remains

When your child is born, the veil lifts.

When you hug someone fully, it lifts.When you reach your goal, it lifts.

When you buy that dream thing, it lifts.

When the mind goes silent, it lifts.

And what's left is what's always been there:

Love.

God is not separate. God is not hidden.

Just like the sun is veiled by clouds,

so is your true, unconditional nature,

hidden only by thought, never by truth.

You’ve never been apart from it.

Only the thought of separation made it seem so.

And the moment the veil lifts...

Only love remains.

9) There Is No Separate Agent – You Are the Orchestrator

Everything happens of its own accord.

But you are the creator, one with it, orchestrating the whole symphony of life.

Not as a separate controller pulling strings, but as the wave that dances with the ocean, rising and falling as part of the whole.

The separate self you’ve been taught to be? Just an identity. A thought.

• "My name is X."
• "I’m 33 years old."
• "I work as..."

Mental images. Nothing more.

Through Ayahuasca and Bufo, I experienced something beyond all of that.

I had no body. No role. No mind.

And yet, I was fully alive. Fully aware.

More than ever before.

Because I’m not those things. And neither are you.

You are what remains when all else fades.

You are the awareness behind the thought.

The conductor and the music.

The silence and the sound.

And the more you relax into it, the clearer it all becomes.

The more you let go, the more you see:

You are the dance and the dancer.

The dream and the dreamer.

10) The Non-Dual Path – Glimpses of the Kingdom of God

Some call it Non-Duality or the direct experience.

Some call it Advaita Vedanta.

Others call it Nirvana.

The Bible calls it the Kingdom of God.

I call it home.

A place beyond words. Always here. Always yours.

Not a specific location, but an infinite awareness and presence.

And here's the secret:

You can reach it in this lifetime.

In fact, it's already your true nature. But like so many others, you overlook it because of your conditioned mind.

I did that too.

Over time, I've been able to peel away the layers of illusion, little by little.

But during the retreat, I got a real glimpse of it.

Not as an explanation from someone who had already made it all the way back home.

Not from my mentor, who tried to explain it with words.

But through real, direct experience.

I knew it was real because there were no words for it. Only pure understanding.

It was as if I flew back to that place of origin, where I was everything.

It felt like I was nodding to myself, telepathically saying:

"You remember now, haaa?"

Once again, it brings tears to my eyes, because it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.

And it’s available to me and you.

Home was never a place, it was the awareness that never left.

11) The two Paths - Cleansing and Being

We’re all on unique paths, leading to the same destination.

Back Home.

You might wonder, How can I access this nature of mine? How can I feel what you and others feel?

During my journey with Bufo and Ayahuasca, this truth and understanding became crystal clear.

I experienced what it means to dissolve, more deeply than ever before.

Where old memories and pain simply vanished in the pure state of awareness.

But that clarity didn’t just come from the experience itself.

It came from years of inner work, of clearing out the noise, dissolving blockages, and reconnecting to what’s real.

Looking back, I can see that there are two essential paths on this journey:

The internal work of cleansing, and the pure being of dissolving.

Ayahuasca and Bufo helped me to experience both more clearly.

The two paths aren’t separate, they support each other.

Cleansing removes what clouds your awareness.

Being reveals the truth that was always there.

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Path 1: Cleansing the Mind and Heart (Removing Blockages)

This path is about clearing the junk that clouds your true nature.

It’s the work of healing, letting go, and purifying the mind.

• Shadow Work – Facing the darkest parts of yourself, integrating what's been repressed.
• Healing Trauma – Reliving and releasing pain through acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
• Mindset Shifts – Replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
• Emotional Release – Allowing emotions to surface and dissolve rather than suppressing them.
• Forgiveness – Of yourself and others, freeing the heart from resentment and blame.
• Letting Go of Attachments – Releasing desires, fears, and labels that bind you.
• Acceptance – Embracing everything as it is, without resistance.
• Purifying Intentions – Aligning your thoughts and actions with truth and love.

​

Path 2: Being (Resting in Pure Awareness) (Recognizing What Already Is)

This path is not about doing anything.

It’s about being, returning to your natural state of awareness.

• Presence – Resting in the here and now, free from the pull of thoughts and stories.
• Non-Dual Awareness – Realizing you are not the thinker, you are the awareness behind it.
• Meditation – Allowing stillness to reveal the truth beneath the noise.
• Letting Go of Control – Surrendering the need to direct life and trusting what unfolds.
• Abiding in Awareness – Remaining as the witness, undisturbed by the mind's fluctuations.
• Effortless Being – Releasing the struggle to find peace, and instead, recognizing it's already here.
• Returning to Love – Living from the unconditional love that’s always present.

The beauty of this journey is that it's not about choosing one path over the other.

Cleansing and Being are two aspects of the same truth.

Clearing away the noise helps you recognize what was always present.

Resting in pure awareness allows healing to happen naturally.

Both paths work together. And as you walk them, you'll find your way home.

Back to the awareness that was never lost.

No effort. No striving. Just allowing.

You’re already here.

12) Free Will, Desire, and Life Expressing Itself

One of the oldest questions we ask is: Does free will exist?

Do we truly choose? Or are we just playing out what was always meant to be?

Neville Goddard said:

From what I've experienced,

both in life and during this retreat with Ayahuasca and Bufo, free will exists. But not as we imagine.

There is no separate agent, no isolated “I” pulling the strings of life. No puppet master in the sky.

Life itself is free will. It expresses and manifest itself through us, with us, as us.

What we call “desires” are signals from a deeper source, already existing realities waiting to be felt, acknowledged, and brought into form.

When we imagine, we’re not creating from scratch. We’re tuning into what’s already there.

The redemptive power Neville spoke of?

It’s not some distant force. It’s imagination itself.

Here's the paradox:

True freedom isn’t about controlling life.

It’s about aligning with it.

Surrendering the illusion of control, and allowing life to flow through you, unhindered.

When you let go of the ego's desire to control, when you return home to pure awareness, something magical happens.

Desires are no longer obstacles. They’re guides. Signals of what already exists within.

So yes, free will exists.

But it's not the mind's control over life.

It’s life expressing itself through the mind, through the heart, through you.

13) The Knowingness – Life Is Understanding

I've always felt like I "understood" something during these experiences but struggled to explain it afterward.

This time, I realized why.

Life itself is understanding. It's not something you gain. It's what you are.

During Bufo, I didn’t just grasp concepts. I became the understanding itself.

Whatever thought, image, or scenario appeared, it was already known. Accepted. Integrated.

Because awareness itself — our true nature — is knowingness.

When we say, “I understood it during the trip, but forgot it afterward," it's not because the insight disappeared.It’s because we shift back into the conditioned mind. Away from pure knowing.

But the knowingness is always there. It’s not about remembering.

It’s about relaxing back into it.

14) The Open Heart Is the Gateway

During the retreat, I noticed something powerful.

Some of the men working there embraced each other deeply. Hugs, smile and love.

Their hugs were genuine. Pure.

The first day seeing this, I felt resistance. Even though I knew, deep inside, how beautiful it was.

But by the end of the weekend, my heart had cracked open.

Love flowed effortlessly. Not just in thought, but in action.

I hugged people the same way. Shared love without hesitation. And it felt natural.

The heart is the gateway.

Keeping the heart open keeps the light alive.

Love for yourself. Love for others. It’s all the same.

And when you express it outwardly, it's not an act. It's a reflection of the unconditional love that already exists within.

To love is not weakness. It's the path itself.

Everything Ends, But Nothing Is The Same

Weeks later, the intensity of the experience has softened. The echoes of the music, the faces, the emotions—they aren’t just memories.

They are alive.

What I felt during those nights wasn’t just something to be remembered. It was something to be lived.

It would be easy to say the clarity, the freedom, the love I felt was just a temporary state. A gift from the medicine that would fade away with time. But the truth is, it hasn’t.

It has always been here.

I thought I needed Ayahuasca or Bufo to unlock something hidden. But now I see the medicine was only a mirror—reflecting what was always within me.

My heart is still open. I still cry from joy. I’m still free.

The door has been opened, and I’m walking through it every day.

This isn’t a story about a trip. It’s a story about coming home.

And it continues to unfold.

I came back with something far greater than insights. I came back with myself.

Now, every moment feels sacred. Every interaction, a new chapter. And the deeper I go, the clearer it all becomes.

The journey never truly ends. It only expands.

The biggest lesson? I don’t need to return to the experience to find that peace. Because that peace is me.

It always was.

Now, it’s your turn. Whatever your path looks like, whatever your journey brings—know that everything you seek is already within you.

Just waiting to be remembered.

—Tomas